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Our house is haunted!


At least that is what I think is going on. There must be two or three of them walking around after we go to bed. They are harmless for the most part. The past couple of nights we have gone to bed, tucking our bodies under the sheets and falling asleep, knowing the kitchen is clean, the lights are out and the coffee is ready to start, early enough that all I have to do is go down and pour a fresh cup of hot Michigan Cherry coffee. This is the high point of my morning.

The haunting isn’t violent, but it can be a little distracting. I come down at 3:30 in the morning—I know, to damn early—to find game systems moved from one room to another with the cords spread out across the floor making me actually wake up before I want to so I can position my feet safely.

Blankets that were once folded neatly on the couch are crumpled on the cushions or lying on the floor next to glasses half full of water—think “Signs”. Just the other night they must have ventured outside for a midnight stroll because the front door was left ajar. They may leave a few dishes in the sink or pour food down the garbage disposal that doesn’t work—which is never a fun clean up—but they never leave it like I do before climbing the steps to the bedroom. They have even gone so far as opening the back of my van and helping themselves to my stash of Mountain Dew. I know this because they never close the tail gate all the way.

I suppose they must have made friends with Billie, our guard Whippet, because he doesn’t bark at all.

Last night, I witnessed my wife pour the water into the reservoir of the coffee pot, put the filter containing enough grounds for a full pot of coffee in the basket, and set the timer to go off at 2:45 am. I know she did it because I usually do this ritualistic chore every night.

This morning, at 3:00 am, as I follow one whippet and the iggys down the well-lighted steps (hall light was turned off last night) I spot the empty coffee pot. Quickly I shove the dogs out into the rain and investigate closely; the basket is empty, the reservoir is empty and the switch is in the “on” position yet it is off. ‘WTF!’ I quickly, as quickly as I can this early, fill it with water, grab filter and coffee to fill the basket and turn it on. Just these acts alone awoke me well enough to discover that the coffee pot still had six cups of water in it.  I turned off the pot right before the hot liquid spilled over the rim and started the whole process again.

Finally at 3:30 I had the dogs in, coffee made and had a chance to sit down and enjoy my coffee. Later, as I was making breakfast, I noticed a filter full of coffee grounds (unused) sitting on the counter top across from the coffee pot. It felt a little heavier than normal when I put it in the basket and began pot number two. The finished product had doubled in strength than what we normally drink in the morning, but we were awake and that was the whole objective.

So in the Spirit of Christmas, I would like to thank the ghosts that eat our food, thus making us buy more food to keep the fridge stocked, leaving the lights on in the hallway so I don’t fall down the steps when I am not awake yet. For making me check the back of my van for undesirable persons or terrorists, scaring away any possible intruders by making loud growling noises, since the whippets and iggys sort of fail at that, and for just being there to keep me on my toes.

However…I do have one little request, please don’t frack with the coffee maker. It makes some spirits a little irritable.

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