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The weekend movie list:

Okay, here we go – something new. First I will explain where this idea came from. At our house we record all our favorite shows so we can zip through the commercials as fast as possible when they come on. I usually don’t have control of the remote; it is glued to my wives hand. But once we finish the list we usually have time for more TV. We have been relaying on Netflix and their play on demand they have on the Playstation 3. Or the two movies they send me once a week. Don’t worry Mr. Egbert – your job is safe.

Our movies for the week were Cop Out and Hot Tub Time machine. I received them from Netflix and I honestly cannot figure out where they get their suggestions for me. (I think the kids have been watching stuff under my account on the play it now features.)

The first movie we watched was Hot Tub Time Machine. Okay, I like the idea of this movie, a group of college friends who have stayed together since the 80’s go to a resort where they spent one wild weekend while in college. During their stay – the hot tub shorts and they are whisked into the past. Like I said – good idea – I have always loved time travel stories…until I watched this one.

I only recognized three stars, Chevy Chase as the repair man sent from somewhere to fix the hot tub since they broke it on their trip, John Cusack as one of the college bums whose life hasn’t been all that he hoped it would be, and the guy that played Marty McFly’s dad in the Back to the Future movies, I can’t remember his name. (Crispin Glover – I looked it up) He played the one armed bell hop that has had the same job since the last time they were there. I liked his performance in this, one running gag in the film *SPOILER ALERT* is when they arrive back in time the bell hop has both his arms and there is an ever flowing gag as to when he will lose it. Like all time travel stories, they need to figure out why they are when they are and how to get back. They do this with more cussing than is needed. (Why do screen writers believe they have to use the F word so much?) Included in this trip is a son of one of them – John Cusack’s nephew – he doesn’t know who his father is, but he needs to find out before he disappears. All ends up well at the end – even better for some. I admit I did laugh a little and snicker once or twice, but I would not recommend this movie unless you are high or drunk.

COP OUT; this movie is also a complete waste of time. Bruce Willis and Tracy Morgan as two cops who can’t seem to do their job right, a plot line that has been run down so many time you saw tire tracks on the film. I suppose Bruce is in dire need of money or he was bribed to make this film. Only he knows. As for Tracy Morgan – uh…Who? I didn’t know him at the beginning of this movie – but the wife did. I admit – sometimes I don’t pay as much attention as I should but I did notice his astounding ability to over act to Bruce’s straight man, non emotional partner. Even the movie quotes and scenes Morgan does are not as entertaining as one may think.

To fill in the empty space – which happened to be one whole day – we found Spartacus Season two, Blood and Sand. I suppose this was on the Starz network – since I remember hearing about it a little – but never really saw it. To be honest I like the movie with Kirk Douglas a lot better. I only recognized *three stars on this one, Lucy Lawless, who does an awesome job at playing Lucretia, wife of Batiatus (John Hannah from The Mummy series of movies) who owns a house of slaves in Rome and both are very cunningly devious to get what they want. The effects they used to make this look like Rome, including a nicely done Coliseum, are good. The photography reminded me a little of “300.”  I think maybe this is what they tried to do. The story line is good, a soldier is sold into slavery and ends up at the House of Batiatus and named Spartacus. All he wants to do is escape and find his wife, which for the favor of being a good little slave and not complaining about fighting in the arena, Batiatus promises to find her and bring her to him, which he does do eventually. Through lies, sex, deceit, sex, murder, sex and violence, with a little more sex, we watch as the House of Batiatus begins to crumble.

I know it is supposed to be visually impressive when you see three gallons of blood squirt out of someone’s body – but this is way too much blood for me. I admit I am not a doctor, (but I watch a lot of CSI shows) however I didn’t think the human body had that many arteries that would cause that much blood splatter. The amount of sex in this show would classify it as soft porn; they spared nothing from the camera. I know the Romans were very – hum…preoccupied with sex, but I have never seen so many orgies or sex scenes in one show or movie, unless I got it from the Hustler store. You can guarantee at least two, maybe three scenes of sex per episode. Man on man, man on woman, slave on slave, woman on woman, you name it, this show has it. (I have always wondered if they are actually doing this when they are supposed to be acting, if not, that is damn fine acting). One other thing, I got the impression that the writers tried to immolate Shakespeare since most of the dialogue, which they did have between sex takes, sounded like his play, Julius Caeser.  

*The other familiar face I thought I saw was from Season 1, which was way better than Season 2, but I think I was wrong – or the wife was. I thought I recognized her as being the female agent on Warehouse 13, but I am not sure since it does not appear in Joanne Kelly’s credit listing in IMDB, and if it aint on the net, it aint true! Or so says my step son.

Maybe the Romans did really talk like that, have wild orgies like that, I know they liked their arena fights! I wasn’t there. But let me warm up my hot tub and I will check it out.